Moonglow
by Joyce LaKee
Summary: Several years after the War, Hermione faces a devastating illness. Hermione's POV. AU. SS/HG
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: All characters belong to JK Rowling

Disclaimer: All characters belong to JK Rowling. Duh.

A/N: This story takes place several years after DH, but AU because Snape is alive.

oOoOoOo

I've decided that Dr. Zakar is an incompetent twit. I mean, I've been coming to him again and again with the same complaint, and every time he gives me a different diagnosis. If you can call it that. To me, it sounds like a brush-off.

Me: "Why are my powers gone?"

Him: "Well, dearie, you did just have a baby. This happens sometimes to muggleborns. You'll regain your powers, don't worry."

Childbirth. Ha. I read every word of _A Muggleborn's Guide to Magical Pregnancy_, and I happen to know that although some witches experience stronger powers and others weaker powers during pregnancy, in all normal cases, your powers are back to where they should be by the third month postpartum. But Inanna is six months old already!

Then he tried to tell me my loss of powers was due to underuse. That makes absolutely no sense--how in the world am I supposed to use powers that aren't there?

This last time he didn't even try to diagnose me. He just gave me a prescription for a potion I could mix up at home. Sort of the wizard equivalent of "Take two aspirin and call me in the morning."

When I get back to our flat, Severus is already there, and so is Draco Malfoy. After the War, Severus was acquitted of charges of murdering Headmaster Dumbledore. He and I live on the fringes of the wizarding world. That's how we like it. But his reputation as a skilled potions master has remained, and it's not uncommon for witches and wizards to consult with him. In fact, that's how he makes most of our money. That and the occasional odd job.

Severus and Draco are standing over a bubbling cauldron. Severus is trying to explain one of the finer points of potions to him, but I don't think Draco is any smarter than Dr. Zakar. He pretends like he understands, and nods knowingly, but he doesn't fool me. He doesn't fool my husband, either. I can feel his irritation from here.

Draco nods curtly to me, and I nod back. We never liked each other in the past, and we don't now. But he is a guest in my flat, and he has to treat me with respect. I'm civil to him out of common courtesy.

"What did Zakar say?" Severus asks me.

I just grunt and hand him the prescription. He looks over the parchment and pockets it. "I'll prepare it for you as soon as I'm done with Malfoy."

I nod and wander into the bedroom where Inanna is still napping. She's so pretty and perfect, little nose, little fingernails, fuzzy little head. I want to pick her up, but of course I won't interrupt her nap. I can play with her later. Besides, I'm tired. I lay down on the bed and shut my eyes. I have an hour before I have to make dinner. The muggle way. Severus has offered to help me with the chores ever since my powers faded, but I don't like him to. For one, watching him do magic makes me feel inadequate. It reminds me of the things I can no longer do. The other thing is, as old-fashioned as this might sound, I like taking care of my man and my baby. Even if have to do things without witchcraft. Besides, I grew up muggle. I know how to cook and clean and do laundry. Also, I have my mom to help. She knows about my faded powers, and she's sympathetic, but she doesn't know just how much I've lost. Somehow, I don't mind her help, though.

Inanna starts whimpering before the hour is up and I bring her into the bed with me to feed her. By the time I've finished and am burping her, Severus comes into the room carrying a cup.

"Is Draco gone?" I ask.

He nods, sets the cup down on the bedside table, sits on the edge of the bed and takes Inanna from me, bouncing her gently on his knee.

I smile at the sight of them. I never expected him to take so easily to fatherhood. In fact, when I first met him, I was convinced he hated all children. He's a lot older than me--he used to be one of my teachers at Hogwarts--and we never liked each other that whole time. And actually, he was only my third boyfriend.

My first boyfriend was a Bulgarian quidditch player named Victor Krum. He was hot, all the girls said so, but for some reason he chose to date me. He was good to me, I admit it and I did like him. But yet...he was dumber than a stack of cauldrons. I need an intellectual equal. I wasn't too sorry when he wound up going back to Bulgaria.

My second boyfriend was Ron Weasley. He was more than a boyfriend. He was a fiancé, and I thought he was my soul mate. And perhaps if the War hadn't intervened, he would have been. But when the wizarding world split into political factions after the War, we found ourselves in opposing ideologies. Our fights became more bitter, our differences deeper. We broke up three months before our wedding date...

"I made you the potion Zakar prescribed," Severus interrupts my musing.

I reach over to pick the cup up.

"Did you read over the potion?" He asks. "You should recognize it from Hogwarts."

I smile as I bring the cup to my lips. There are times I think he still thinks he's the professor and I'm the lowly student. "I did not. Isn't that why I have you?"

He raises his eyebrow at me. "Forget the cute stuff. He prescribed you a mild sedative--the sort usually given to hysterical females."

I slam the cup on the table, not caring that I slosh it. "Hysterical...! How dare he..." I'm fuming now.

"Zakar's a quack," he replies calmly. "And you, Hermione, are going to get a second opinion."

Severus doesn't really have any family to speak of, besides Inanna and me. I only have my mother and father. And they had some serious reservations about my marrying a man old enough to be my father, and controversial in the wizarding world, into the bargain (yes, my parents read the wizarding papers). But they respected my decision and have been very supportive of us.

Sometimes I wonder what will happen to Inanna when she grows up. What career will she choose? Who will she marry? She has wizard and muggle blood running in her veins, but it's too early to tell if she has powers. Witch or muggle? Severus is right. I really should get a second opinion about my condition. But I'm also scared. I hope I'm around to see Inanna grow up.

oOoOoOo

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	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: All characters belong to JK Rowling

All characters still belong to JK.

A/N: Thanks to all the people who took the time to review—Phantasm, sad clown, GinnyL, notwritten, and Looks Far Woman.

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Now it's the middle of the night but I'm still awake, listening to the night-sounds all around me. There's Severus' quiet breathing next to me, but in her crib across the room, Inanna is a noisy sleeper. She breathes loudly, rolls back and forth and moans softly. Then there's the occasional thump and giggle from the flat upstairs, where two young witches who are in Auror training live.

I lie awake and wonder who I'm going to see for a second opinion. I don't really know any other healers besides Dr. Zakar. I consider owlng Madame Pomfrey in the morning for a suggestion, but I don't really want to. I hardly keep in touch with anybody from those days. It all seems so awkward, now.

Even though my husband was acquitted for Dumbledore's murder, the acquittal was neither an easy decision for the Wizangamot nor a popular one with the public. If it hadn't been for the intervention of Arthur Weasley, using the bottled memories Severus had given to Harry, he would have been sent to Azkaban. Arthur was brave to do that--to take an unpopular position that he believed in. They say that's why he was never appointed Minister.

Even until this day, a lot of people still think Severus deserved to go to Azkaban. I understand why they feel that way, but they don't know him like I do. I know the guilt he feels for his part in the murder, but he's not the type of person to beg for forgiveness, and the public likes dramatic, showy remorse.

And so, we tend to keep to ourselves. I do miss my friends from the old days, but I knew what I was getting into when I married Severus, and I don't regret it.

I roll over onto my side, but sleep eludes me. When I was a little girl, night time was for dinner, then watch some telly, then Mum would read to me and tuck me into bed. I liked that. Then when I went to Hogwarts, everything changed. Nighttime was for hanging out with my friends in the Gryffindor common room and having fun. Sometimes we had adventures, when we were fighting against Voldemort and his minions. I look back at it now, and that seems fun, too, although actually, it was terrifying at the time. I guess it was fun because I was with Ron and Harry and Ginny and all the rest of my friends.

After the War, everything changed. Instead of having adventures, we had to settle down and get jobs and decide what to do with our futures. Which might have been fun--but it wasn't because that was the time that the wizarding world was breaking into political factions. Even though Voldemort was dead, we were all scared. Many of us had lost friends and family. My classmates and I were done out of our last year at Hogwarts, for even the ones who attended barely got any education at all because of the upheaval of the War. The economy became tight, and it seemed like everywhere you went you were met with tight, pale faces. People worried. In the months before Ron's and my breakup we fought nearly every night. Then after we broke up, I hated nights because I was so lonely. When I couldn't stand the loneliness of my apartment I started hanging out in a local cafe just to be around other people. I didn't make any new friends during that time. I was too depressed. But at least I was around people.

Everything changed once again after Severus Snape came back into my life. Now I enjoy nights again. Not as a time for adventures, but as a time for us to hold each other and talk, or kiss, or whatever.

Carefully, without disturbing him, I inch closer, curling myself around him so as not to wake him up. I'd like to wake him up, however. I want to wake him up so he can hold me and I won't have to be scared alone. But I don't. He has a job tomorrow morning and Merlin knows we could use the money.

There's another reason, too. Severus doesn't know everything about my condition. Because I haven't told him.

He knows I lost my witchcraft. That's pretty hard to hide in a marriage. But I didn't tell him about the fatigue. Or the nosebleeds. Or the blinding headaches.

He doesn't know that I lie down during the day whenever I can. By luck, he hasn't been around when my nose starts bleeding. And his headache potions are so efficient, that he doesn't know just how bad the headaches are before I take the potion. He also hasn't noticed that we're getting low on it. I better ask him to make more.

Mum knows about the fatigue and the rest of it. I confided in her. That's why she comes to help me with my housework. She thinks I should see a "real" doctor, a medical doctor. But a muggle doctor wouldn't be able to tell me why I lost my powers.

Tomorrow I'll swallow my pride and owl Madame Pomfrey.

Tomorrow.

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	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: All characters belong to JK Rowling

All characters still belong to JK.

A/N: Thanks to my lovely reviewers—Hermione09Weasley, notwritten, and Susie Derkins

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I tie the note around the owl's leg firmly, then set him out the window so he can carry it to Hogwarts, where Madame Pomfrey lives. Severus comes into the room as I'm closing the kitchen window, and settles Inanna into her high chair.

"Why don't you come with me to the job today?" He asks as he sits in his own chair and starts serving himself from the plate of toast already on the table.

I put the teacups down and sit across from him. "Are you sure you want Inanna and me tagging along while you work?"

"It's going to be a quick assignment. Two hours at the most. Some witch has a refrigerator full of boggarts and doesn't know what to do with it," he snorts contemptuously. "Frankly, Hermione, I wonder how some witches and wizards manage to tie their shoes in the morning. Maybe I can get rid of her garden gnomes while I'm at it."

"That would just be showing off," I grin. Severus has a sarcastic streak to him, and although it doesn't sound nice to admit it, I don't mind it very much. Especially because he doesn't direct it at me.

After breakfast I dress myself and the baby, put her in her sling against my hip, and the three of us set out to the witch's house.

I'm not tired this morning and it's one of those gorgeous days, deep blue sky with puffy white clouds, the air is crisp and cool, and being outside is absolute pleasure. Severus takes my hand as we cross the street and doesn't let go when we get to the other curb.

Sometimes when we're together like this, holding hands and strolling along, I can pretend like we're a normal family out for a normal walk. But we're not. We're famous. People know who we are. Actually, when I'm out alone, people rarely recognize me by sight. My name was in the paper more than my picture, and I have one of those nondescript faces, anyway. Of course, if someone asks me my name, like in a store or something, and I answer _Hermione Snape_, then of course they know me right away. But only if I say my name.

Not so with Severus. His appearance is very distinctive, and he was in all the papers, and he gained all that notoriety during the War and afterward, at his trial. When people see us together, they know who we are. And we've both been subject to stares and whispers, and sometimes outright hostility. But I think it's gotten better over time. After all, people do have other things to think about besides us.

This might sound very disloyal, but sometimes I worry when I'm out with him and Inanna that people are judging us. When we were first married, I didn't care, but sometimes I wonder what will happen when Inanna is old enough to notice that our family is different, that we keep very much to ourselves. I wonder what will happen when she learns what Severus did during the War. If Minerva McGonagall is still Headmistress, and if Inanna has powers, she'll surely be invited to go to Hogwarts. McGonagall would never neglect to invite the daughter of a former Headmaster, even a disgraced former Headmaster. That's just the type of lady she is. Then what? What will happen when her classmates realize whose daughter she is? Will Inanna be ostracized? Will Severus' past be held against her? She's such a friendly, happy baby now. She smiles at everybody and everybody smiles back at her. She thinks the world is a happy place. It will break my heart the day she finds out differently.

We're walking up the front walk now, right up to the witch's door. Part of me is nervous again, wondering what she'll think of me. She might be hiring my husband's services, but that won't necessarily stop her from judging us.

I didn't need to worry. She opens the door to Severus' knock looking harried and frazzled. She's carrying a baby on her hip and I can hear the screams and laughter of children in the background. I can't help but smile.

After she directs Severus to the kitchen, she herds the little troop of children to the back garden, and invites me to join her. And so we sit together on her back porch, talking, as our babies sit on a blanket and stare at each other. She's a Hogwarts graduate, too, but she's a few years older than me.

"I know so few people from your graduating class..." I muse. "No, wait. Wasn't Nymphadora Tonks in your year?"

The witch smiles. "She was! She was so nice. I didn't know her very well, different houses and all, and besides, we ran with different crowds. But I remember her being very kind...She died in the War, didn't she? She and that werewolf husband of hers? It was so sad, and they left behind a little boy, didn't they?"

"They did. His name is Teddy."

"Such a tragedy. But anyhow..." the witch stops talking and stares at me, alarmed. "Hermione! Are you okay? You're pale as a ghost!"

At that moment the yard whirls around me and everything looks very far away. My body seems to be moving, but I can't control it. Everything grows dim and I hear her scream for my husband...

The next thing I know, Severus is bending over me, and I can see stark fear in his eyes. I reach up for him, but I feel so weak. "What happened?" My voice sounds like a whisper.

"Apparently, you had some sort of a seizure," he says hoarsely as he passes his hand over my hair and face.

"Oh. Where's Inanna?"

"Inanna's fine," he answers irritably. "We are going directly to St. Mungo's."

My stomach clenches. I'm suddenly overwhelmed with fear. If I'm bad enough to frighten Severus, I must be badly off, indeed. But I can't accept it. I can't go to the hospital. I won't go.

"Just take me home," I plead. "I think I'm tired, that's all."

But Severus explodes. "Do you think I'm going to take you home after this? Just so you can skulk around and waste your time with that Dr. Zakar? You should have stopped seeing him weeks ago and seen a _good_ healer. Then maybe now you wouldn't be having seizures in public."

The witch is trying not to look in our direction, but that's pretty hard to do because it's a very small garden. I'm embarrassed by his outburst. I know he's only acting this way because he's afraid for me, but I don't want her to think we have problems in our marriage, so I try to be calm and reasonable. "I sent a message to Madame Pomfrey this morning, asking her to recommend a healer for me. I'll contact one as soon as I get her recommendation."

"Too little, too late. We're not waiting around for any owl from Hogwarts. I'm taking you to a decent healer, and I'm taking you right now."

oOoOoOo

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	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: All characters belong to JK Rowling

All characters still belong to JK.

A/N: Thanks to my lovely reviewers—notwritten, pandemonium ensues, GinnyL, Looks Far Woman, Hermione09Weasley, and Healer Pomfrey

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I'm sitting on an examination table in an office in the Healing Arts Annex of St. Mungo's hospital. Dr. Donna Bella is examining me as Severus watches from the corner, holding Inanna.

A wooden box full of exami-wands lies open on the table next to me, and one by one Dr. Bella takes them out and waves them over my whole body. Whenever she does this, the wand tip glows. Each wand glows a different color, and she mutters the color of the glowing light to her quill pen that floats in the air by her left shoulder. Every time she talks to the pen, it scratches a few notes onto a parchment that is also floating in air.

I like Dr. Bella, even though she looks too young to be a healer. She's friendly and vivacious, and even wearing the lime-green robes of a healer, with her blond hair pulled back into a low ponytail, she's pretty enough to be a model, but I can't help feeling some envy as I watch her effortlessly perform magic. Then I wonder if disabled people, confined to wheelchairs and things, ever feel envy when their doctors and nurses do the things they can't do. If so, I totally understand it now.

I laugh nervously. "Can you believe this is the first time I've ever had a complete witch's physical? I mean, I've been treated for magical maladies, but never came in just for a check-up."

She picks up another wand and smiles reassuringly as she passes it a couple inches away from my head. "I don't know why it is, but nobody seems to want to go to the healer until something's wrong."

I look over to the corner where Severus is. He's glowering.

"Well, after this, I'll be sure to get regular check-ups, Doctor," I'm babbling nervously now. I wish she would just get this examination over with.

Finally she packs all her wands into the box, and puts the box on the shelf where it belongs. She moves to her desk and motions for us to take the chairs across from her.

After we're settled in, she folds her hands and frowns a little bit, but she looks at me with eyes full of compassion. I dread what's coming next.

"Mrs. Snape," she begins, "According to your questionnaire, both your parents are muggles."

"That's right."

"To your knowledge, have any member of your family ever been magical?"

"No, they're all muggles. You can't imagine my parents' shock when I was summoned to Hogwarts."

She smiles sadly. "I'm afraid you're right. My mum is pureblood, but my dad is half..." Then she sighs. "Some of your test were inconclusive, but there were a couple findings that gave me cause for concern. Therefore, I want to admit you overnight for more testing, and possibly treatment."

"But I--I can't stay overnight. I have a baby to take care of, and dinner to get, and..."

Dr. Bella looks at Severus, as if to ask him for his support.

"What do you think it is, Doctor?" He asks.

"I can't be sure--that's why I want the specialist to see her. But some of the tests point to Muggleborn Continuum Disorder. Also known as MCD."

Severus and I look at each other briefly. Neither of us has ever heard of MCD. Dr. Bella plucks a little parchment from her desk, writes on it, then folds it and sends it flying through the door.

"I'm calling up to the second floor--Magical bugs and diseases--to alert them to prepare a bed for you."

"Just like that?" I say. I know I sound petulant, like a whiny child, but I don't care. "Shouldn't I get a second opinion or something?"

"Hermione," Severus says heavily, "This was your second opinion."

"But what about Inanna? Babies don't just take care of themselves."

"I'll call your mother to come take her."

"My mother! And my Dad...Dr. Bella, you can't admit me--how will my parents come see me? I could really use their support right now."

"Oh, Mrs. Snape, don't worry about that," Dr. Bella says. "They'll be allowed to visit you. We're not in the habit of separating families."

I want to point out that she's separating me from Inanna, but I keep my mouth shut. I know when I've been outnumbered.

oOoOoOo

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	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: All characters belong to JK Rowling

All characters still belong to JK.

A/N: Thanks to my lovely reviewers—notwritten, duj, Terrihomeschools, sad clown, Looks Far Woman, GregoryHouseAddict, Hermione09Weasley, and MaritimeStars. You all keep me going!

oOoOoOo

Severus is gone, he's taken Inanna to my mother's house, but he promised he'd come right back. Waiting for him seems like an eternity, however. I know he'll make every effort to get back as quickly as possible. He'll probably aparate or something, but I wish he were here.

My roommate is an elderly lady who was asleep when I came in, and is still asleep. I don't know what she has or why she's here. I almost wish she would wake up, though, just so I'd have somebody to talk to. Even if she were mean or senile, she'd be company.

I'm dressed in a hospital gown. Even in the wizarding world, hospital gowns are hideous. In fact, I'll bet wizard and muggle hospitals all use the same laundry service. Then for some reason the though of wizard/muggle laundry cracks me up, and I start to giggle.

I wish I had something to do. I turn on the radio, but very low, and listen to the Wizard Wireless Network, but it's just some political talk show, so I turn it off. I had enough of politics after the War. I wish I'd asked Severus to stop by our flat so he could bring me some books to read. And my hairbrush. And some other little things I'd like to have near me. When he comes, I'll give him a list.

I haven't seen any healers or medi-witches since I was admitted. The thought makes me a little mad. I thought I had to have all these tests? That's what Dr. Bella said. But nobody has been in. Everybody's forgotten about me.

Oh, no. Now I'm starting to feel sorry for myself. Now I'm starting to cry. I can feel the tears coming, first one, then another. I grab a hankie from the box at my bed, and try to compose myself, but it's no use. I'm crying and I can't stop. I'm scared, I'm all alone, nobody has come in to see me. I miss Severus. I miss Inanna.

I cry myself to sleep.

I'm awakened by the sensation of lips brushing against my temple. I open my eyes and Severus is there. I sit up and throw my arms around him. He holds me close and I feel better.

But before we have a chance to talk, a medi-witch comes in carrying a vile-smelling potion in a goblet. It even has smoke coming out of the top of it. I eye her warily, hoping that disgusting drink is for my roommate. No such luck.

"Swallow it down, every drop," she commands.

"Why? What does it do?"

"It's for your tests tomorrow," she replies, not at all put out by my question, but not to be got around, either. "This potion, in combination with the wand tests and charm tests, will help pinpoint a diagnosis. Drink," she commands inexorably.

I drink it. It doesn't actually taste as bad as it smells, but it's still pretty bad. I want to wash my mouth out with water afterward.

"No water for a half hour. But then after that I'll bring you your dinner tray." She bustles out, then brings back another potion, one that smells very sweet. But that's for my roommate--of course. The medi-witch pulls the curtain around her bed, and I can hear the sounds of her taking care of the old lady.

"Did you break the news to Mum gently?" I ask my husband quietly, not wanting to be overheard.

"No, I made the news sound as frightening as I could."

"Aw Severus, you know what I mean. And besides, you're not always very tactful."

"I tell it like it is."

"True, but you could be a bit more gentle sometimes. If somebody had to tell you bad new about Inanna, how would you want to hear it?"

"In as few words as possible."

I sigh. Severus really wouldn't want people to mince words with him.

"But your mother's going to come visit you tomorrow," he adds.

I smile. That makes me happy. "How did Inanna do, being left with Mum?"

"She was fine. I think you're more upset than she is."

"I know, but I've never been apart from her overnight since she was born. _You_ won't leave me, will you? You'll stay tonight, right?"

"I'll stay as long as you need me," he replies as he puts his arms around me again.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: All characters belong to JK Rowling

All characters still belong to JK.

A/N: Thanks to my lovely reviewers—notwritten, duj, Terrihomeschools, sad clown, Looks Far Woman, GregoryHouseAddict, Hermione09Weasley, and MaritimeStars. You all keep me going!

oOoOoOo

If you told me ten years ago that I'd be married to Severus Snape, I would have thought you were barking mad. I knew him as a teacher at Hogwarts and he was the meanest teacher ever. Then, during the War, he was the Headmaster of Hogwarts, despite having put a killing curse on the previous Headmaster. In the end, it was revealed that he had been working as a double agent for Headmaster Dumbledore, and his assignment was to spy on Voldemort. Some people say he did his job a little too well. And they do have a point.

I don't like to think about those days. I like to think about how we started dating.

I sank into a deep depression after Ron and I broke off our engagement. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep. All I could do was sit around and listen to sad songs and look at the pictures I kept and treasured--pictures of us in our happier days. I never thought of suicide, but I was so desperately unhappy...

One night I was wandering the streets near my flat because I couldn't bear another night alone. I wound up at a cafe full of people who looked just as miserable as I felt. I found a booth in a corner and ordered some coffee.

There was a man there, who played the piano and sang songs about the War. I found a weird sort of comfort listening to him, and for the first time in a long time, I found myself actually enjoying something. I came back to the cafe again and again. I guess you could call me a regular. People got used to the sight of me in my corner booth.

Then one night, I happened to see Severus at another table, and it looked like he was alone. I shrank back into my booth, wanting to watch him unseen, fascinated. The last time I'd seen him in person, apart from the newspaper photos, had been the night of the Battle of Hogwarts, when Ron, Harry and I left him for dead in the Shrieking Shack. Later we found out that he'd been rescued and revived by unknown wizards, then left at St. Mungo's to recuperate. After that came his arrest, trial and acquittal. After that he dropped out of public sight. So naturally, I was surprised to see him at "my" cafe.

Curiosity got the best of me. I slipped from the booth and made my way to his table. He had one hand curled around his drink and was listening intently to the speaker. There were always speakers at the cafe.

I waited for him to notice me, then said, "Hi, Professor Snape." It was lame, I know. But I really couldn't think of any other opening line.

"Isn't it a little unnecessary for you to call me Professor, Granger?"

"Well...I..."

"I think you had better rejoin your friends now," and he turned away from me.

"I'm not with my friends. I'm here by myself."

He looked at me again, then looked around the room as if he thought I were lying. "What are you doing here alone at night? Don't you know what kind of neighborhood this is?"

"I suppose I do. I live in this neighborhood."

He stared at me for a few moments, then said, "Have a seat, Granger. I'll walk you home. To make sure you get there in one piece."

I was too surprised to argue.

We didn't have any further conversation that night, even when he walked me home. At my door, I thanked him, and he nodded curtly and left.

A few days later he showed up at the cafe again, and I sat with him again. Once more he walked me home.

This happened a few more times, and slowly we started having brief, halting conversations. But over the next several months we fell into a routine of meeting at the cafe, having a drink and him walking me home.

One night we were walking along, and I had to ask, "You know how I told you about my job as a legal secretary? What do you do with yourself these days?"

"I'm on assignment for Abscondi & Modus."

"Really?" I answered, amazed. "But they're the largest defense and security firm in the country. They hire only the most skilled practitioners of Defense Against the Dark Arts!"

"You sound surprised they would hire me," he remarked dryly.

"No-no-no. That's not it. It's just--well I'm afraid I don't see you as a corporate drone, sitting behind a desk, gossiping over the water cooler, jockeying for the corner office..."

"And you would be right, because I'm not one of the drones. I'm called in to consult in special cases."

"Oh," I said. "You're a contract employee."

"You could call it that--if you insist on using some muggle phrase."

I smiled in the darkness. "Freelancing sounds more like you."

That was the kind of conversation we had in those days. Sharing facts about ourselves. Actually, I shared facts about myself, but I had to ask Severus about himself, draw out information bit by bit. That was his way. But our friendship developed, regardless . We never made plans to meet, but he always walked me home. Almost without my noticing it, I started looking forward to seeing him. And call me crazy, but I knew he liked seeing me, too. I'm not sure when I stopped liking him as a friend, and started to wonder if there might be a potential for more, but one night I was trying to decide what to wear to the cafe and I realized I was looking for an outfit that would make him notice me.

Not long after that, as we walked home, I worked up the courage to ask a question that had been bothering me for a long time.

"You know..." I hesitated. I still didn't know what to call him. He made it clear he didn't like Professor, but he didn't offer any alternatives. Severus seemed too personal, and Snape sounded disrespectful. Mr. Snape sounded too silly to even consider. "That night, in the shrieking shack...?" My voice trailed off, as I started to feel awkward.

He sighed. "Just say it, Granger."

"Okay. That night in the shrieking shack--we thought you died. We saw you die! What...how...?" I was wringing my hands now, embarrassed that I asked.

"Never mind, Granger, don't hurt yourself. I'll tell you." We were outside my building now, standing in the glow of the streetlights. "I'm sure you're familiar with the newspaper account of that night, but that's not what I remember. The last thing I remember is giving my memories to Potter before everything went black. But then the blackness passed, and I could see you three, from up above, standing over my body. Then you left. Right afterward, a couple wizards appeared. They stood over my body and one of them said a spell over me with their wand. After that, the blackness came back. When I regained consciousness, I was in a hospital bed in St. Mungo's under heavy Auror guard."

"Oh," I said, twisting my hands. "You see, I had no idea you weren't beyond help. If I had known..."

He snorted contemptuously. "As if you three would have known what to do."

"We were only students!" I said, stung.

"Obviously."

"Forget it. I should have never brought it up."

"But you did bring it up, and now I have a question for you. Weren't you in some intense adolescent romance with Ron Weasley until recently?"

My chin started to quiver then. Not because of the way he said it--I was used to his sarcasm. But his words opened a floodgate, and I couldn't hold back. Despite our differences, I had loved Ron, truly and deeply. Breaking up with him felt like cutting off my own right foot. I turned away, expecting some further cruel remark from Severus if he saw me crying. But instead, he pulled me to him, wrapped his arms around me and held me closely and stroked my hair, and let me cry out my grief and my pain and my disappointment. After I had my cry, I slumped against him, exhausted. It had been so long since I'd been held so closely. And I knew from the way he held me that he wanted to be more than just friends, too. But as he pulled away from me gently, I also knew he would never make the first move.

So the next time he walked me home, instead of waiting for him to do anything I kissed him.

It was the smartest thing I ever did.

We didn't date for very long before we decided to get married, and we only had my parents in attendance. Neither of us had friends to speak of, and we didn't see any need to make a big deal out of the wedding. We knew we loved each other, and that was enough for us.

A few months later, pale and in shock, I met Severus at the door as he came home from a job and told him I was going to have a baby.

"Don't tell me you're surprised," he remarked calmly, the shadow of a smirk on his face.

No, I wasn't surprised, it's just that I hadn't thought about children at all. But I was pleased that he was pleased. And in due time Inanna was born.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: All characters belong to JK Rowling

All characters still belong to JK.

A/N: Thanks to my lovely reviewers—notwritten, duj, Looks Far Woman, MaritimeStars, excessively perky, Phantasm, debjunk, EruthiadwenGreenleaf. You all keep me going!

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The next day they take me away for a whole bunch of tests. Nothing painful or anything, but it is tedious and they do so many! I meet the specialist, Dr. Griffin, like Gryffindor, except when I ask he says he was in Ravenclaw. I don't like him very much. He is very matter of fact--not friendly like Dr. Bella--and he tests and retests me, over and over. I think he's used every exami-wand there is.

But finally the tests are over and they take me back to my room. Severus is there, waiting, and so is Mum, sitting in the chair in the corner, thumbing through a magazine.

Mum is a pretty cool muggle. She always knows just how to act and what to say. She respects our differences without making a big deal about things. Dad is the opposite. Whenever he meets a wizard, he always asks a million questions. I know he means well, but some wizards (my husband included) find it annoying. His attitude towards wizards is a lot like Arthur Weasley's attitude towards muggles. Cute in small doses, but irritating when there's too much of it. But Dad's not here. He's at home, minding Inanna.

Mum and Severus get along all right, but they really don't have anything in common, and they don't have much to say to each other. That's why she brought a magazine--in case she got bored with only him to talk to.

I eat my lunch, and as soon as the medi-witch takes my tray away, Dr. Griffin comes into my room and glances at Severus first. That's another reason for me not to like him. I can tell he's one of those people who think Severus should be in Azkaban. Or else, he's wondering what I see in him. Of course, a lot of people don't understand_ that._ Not that I would ever lower myself to trying to explain it. There was even speculation that we'd been involved back when I was a student. People can be so stupid.

I am glad to see that Dr. Bella is with him. I don't get the feeling that she's judging us at all, and it's rather nice for a change. Unfortunately, though, both healers look serious. Mum puts down her magazine.

Dr. Griffin doesn't introduce himself to Severus or my mother. He probably thinks they're both beneath his notice. But he talks to me. "Dr. Bella has asked to be brought on to this case. Does that meet with your approval?"

Dr. Bella shakes her head impatiently. "I'm involved in a few research projects, and I would consider it a favor if I could include you, too. But only if you're comfortable with that."

I know she's sincere, and I nod.

Dr. Griffin speaks now. "The tests show you have Artinem syndrome."

"I thought you said Muggle Continuum Disorder," I object.

"Artinem syndrome is a type of MCD," Dr. Bella explains. "There are certain conditions that only muggleborns can get. Nobody really knows why. Also, these conditions are very rare. We only see it in about one out of every thousand muggleborns. But you have all the symptoms--loss of magic, headaches, nosebleeds, fatigue..."

Dr. Griffin cuts in , "And over time you can expect to become increasingly weaker."

"Is it contagious?" I ask. "Did I catch this?"

"It's not contagious," Dr. Griffin answers. "You don't have to worry about passing it on to anybody."

"Then how did this happen?" I'm pressing for answers.

He shrugs. "There may be some inherent weakness in muggleborns that makes them susceptible. Or it could be something they're exposed to. There's been some link to the consumption of polyjuice potion in childhood--but that's never been proven."

My face is burning, and I hope nobody notices. I forgot the botched polyjuice I had taken when I was twelve. I never told Severus about it. What about Ron and Harry?--oh yes--Ron is pureblood and Harry had wizard parents. They don't need to worry about this happening to them.

Mum speaks up for the first time since the healers entered the room. "Is this serious?"

Dr. Bella answers. "I'm afraid so, Mrs. Granger. But we can start her on treatments." Then she turns to me. "Mrs. Snape, you would have to come back here every week for special potions and healing charms."

I grope for Severus' hand. Find it. Squeeze it. How can this be happening to me? How can I have a serious disease? I'm only twenty-two!

Now Severus asks, "But after the treatments this disease will go away?"

The healers look at each other, and Dr. Bella puts a hand on my shoulder. "I'm afraid there's only a ten percent survival rate after two years."

"What's the survival rate with the treatments?" Severus barks.

"That _is_ the survival rate with the treatments."

"What's the survival rate after two years--like five years, for instance?" My head is spinning and I'm desperate now. I want them to hold out some hope.

The healers look at each other again. I wish they would stop doing that! "That's never happened--survival at five years."

The last thing I remember is hearing a piercing, high-pitched scream. It's coming from me.


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: All characters belong to JK Rowling

All characters still belong to JK.

A/N: Thanks to my lovely reviewers—notwritten, duj, Looks Far Woman, debjunk, KatyaX. You all keep me going!

oOoOoOo

I can't eat, I can't sleep. I've been discharged from St. Mungo's, with an appointment to go back in a week to start treatments, and we're back in our flat. Only I don't ever want to leave here again.

Severus was quiet as he Aparated us home. I had to side-along because I can't do that sort of thing on my own anymore. When we got home, I went straight to bed.

I'm camped out in our bedroom now, with all the curtains pulled shut, and the lights dimmed. I even put the clock away in the drawer so I don't have to look at the time. I mean, what's the point? I spend my time crying, or staring into space, or sleeping. And I don't even have Inanna anymore. My parents offered to take her so Severus and I could have some "space" while we talk about everything. Severus agreed.

I'm not sure how long I've been here. I don't know if it's day or night. I don't ask Severus and he doesn't tell me. He tried to talk to me about my diagnosis, but I didn't want to talk about it. So he held me instead. But not all the time--sometimes I'm here alone, and I lay here and stare through the dark at the ceiling.

Severus conjures food and brings it to me, but I can barely touch it. I'm too upset. So I ask him, "We've been happy together, haven't we?" I'm desperate for some reassurance.

"Yes, but it's not over yet."

At that I burst into tears again. He slides into bed next to me and I crawl into his arms.

"I'm so, so sorry," I sob against his chest.

"There's nothing for you to apologize for."

"Yes, there is. I'm sorry I'm putting you through all this again."

"Again? Hermione, would you kindly explain what you're talking about?"

"First you lose Lily and now you're going to lose me."

He pauses for a long time before he speaks. "Hermione, listen to me, and listen to me carefully. I lost Lily, but not in the way you think. When I gave my memories to Potter, they were lost to me. They're no longer mine. She's no longer part of my memories."

"I don't understand. You do remember Lily."

"Yes. I remember Lily. I remember that we were friends. I remember that I loved her once. But it feels like I'm remembering something that happened to somebody else, as if I read it in a book, rather than as if I lived it. Her memories are lost to me."

Now it's my turn to be quiet. Then, "Severus?"

"Hmm?"

"Promise me?"

"What?"

"Don't give my memory away, for any reason."

His whole body stiffens, then he gets up and leaves abruptly, without a word or a backward glance. I don't know what to think.

He's gone for a long time, or maybe it only seems like it because I don't know what time it is. But when he does come back I'm waiting for him, and I'm angry because he left me.

"Promise me!" I shout at him from the bed. I'm still lying down, but my arms are crossed. "Promise me you won't give my memory away!"

He stares at me for a moment, then takes his wand and flicks it at the lamps, making the room bright.

"Hey, what are you doing?" I ask.

Then he points it at the drapes. One by one, they twitch open.

"Stop it!" I yell I'm sitting up now.

"No." And he walks over to the bed, and pulls the covers off me.

I'm furious now. "How dare you. Give me back my blanket."

"No."

Is that all he can say? _No?_ I wish I had my magic back. I wish I could work a wand again. I'd settle _him_ real fast. But I don't have any powers anymore. So I swing my legs out of bed and stomp over to the window and tug at the drapes, but he's done some sort of sticking spell and they won't close. I whirl around and face him. He has his arms crossed, and he's staring a challenge at me.

"Is this how you treat your sick wife?" I fume.

At that he bounds across the room at me, and grabs my upper arms, making me gasp.

"I've had enough of this talk--and you've done enough feeling sorry for yourself."

I'm struggling to get away from him. I'm too angry to want him to touch me. "Don't you think I'm entitled to feel a little sorry for myself?"

"No. I won't let you wallow in self-pity anymore. You've wallowed long enough. Now you're going to rejoin the living if I have to force you every step of the way. And don't think I won't hesitate to Levicorpus you out of that bed if you refuse."

I'm not struggling anymore. It's no use--he's too strong for me. But I can still use my mouth. "You're nothing more than a bully, you know that? You're so mean you won't even try to understand how I must feel right now. You weren't diagnosed terminal at the age of twenty-two."

He lets go my arms and walks over to the bureau. He turns so I can't see his face. "May I remind you that when I was your age, I worked as a double agent for Albus Dumbledore at the end of the first War. There wasn't a moment that death didn't stand at my shoulder. Then I did it all over again during the Second War. And in the end death got me--_you_ were there in the Shrieking Shack, so you know."

"Yes...well..." I stammer. He has a point but I don't want to admit it. "But you weren't really dead because you were revived. Besides, I have no hope of that. I am sick. I am dying. And when death comes for me, I won't be coming back."

He rounds on me. "I don't want to hear that anymore, you hear me? You have to fight this thing."

I laugh and it sounds harsh. "There's nothing to fight_ for_. You heard the healers, this Artinem's Syndrome is fatal in every case."

"Nothing to fight for? What about Inanna? Don't you want to see her grow up? What about you? You have your whole life ahead of you..."

"But I _don't! _ I have two years, tops! The healers said so."

"What do healers know?" He asks scornfully.

"They know about healing. And they know they can't heal me."

He crosses the room to me, and tilts my face up to his. He's more gentle now, even though he's still angry. But I realize that he's not angry at me, only at my illness. "Forget what the healers say. _I'm_ not going to give up on you. You and I can fight this thing together."

I look in his eyes. He looks so determined that I start to feel a glimmer of hope. "Do you really think so?"

"Yes."

"Then I'll fight it. Under one condition."

"What?"

"That you promise me you won't give my memory away."

"Oh, Hermione..."

"I mean it, Severus. I won't be forgotten like Lily. I won't be lost to you that way..."

"I only gave that memory away because I was dying and I thought it would do more good to give it to Potter than to keep it for myself."

"I understand. But you are not to do that with me. Don't give it to anybody else--not even Inanna--no matter how tempted you are, or no matter how good a reason. There is no good enough reason. Promise me, or I won't cooperate with you. You can Levicorpus me, but you'll have to put me under the Imperious Curse to make me cooperate."

It's an awful thing to say to him, almost like threatening suicide, but I don't regret saying it. "You never did get over being an insufferable know-it-all, did you?" He growls.

"Yeah. And you never got over being a git."

He raises an eyebrow at me. "Fine. You win. I won't give your memory away. I promise."


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: All characters belong to JK Rowling

All characters still belong to JK.

A/N: Thanks to my lovely reviewers—Terrihomeschools, excessivelyperky, Gina CM, KatayaX, Looks Far woman, duj, notwritten, and debjunk

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St. Mungo's is too far away from our flat for me to walk, so Mum drives me there for my first treatment. Severus wanted to be there, but he had a good assignment lined up, one that would pay a lot of money. Besides, Mum doesn't have any patients scheduled this morning. That's why I asked her to bring me instead.

When we arrive at the Healing Arts Annex, Dr. Bella is nowhere to be seen, and only Dr. Griffin is there. I'm disappointed, but there's no help for it. He's brisk and efficient as he gives me the potions and performs the charms and enchantments, and it's not painful, exactly, but I'm exhausted when he's finished. Before Mum and I leave, I have to use the washroom, and she waits outside for me in the hallway.

I come out of the washroom and get the shock of my life. Right there, not five meters away from me, is Molly Weasley, and she's having a conversation with my mother! Mrs. Weasley nods when she sees me and Mum turns around.

"Fleur and Bill just had another baby," Mum says, catching me up with the conversation.

My insides clench with jealousy. It's not that I was thinking about having another baby with Inanna still so little, but it would have been nice to have had the choice. Then I feel ashamed of myself. I don't want to be a jealous, bitter person. I want to be an unselfish person. So I smile and congratulate Mrs. Weasley.

Then she asks the only logical thing she can. "What brings you two to St. Mungo's?"

I hesitate before I answer. "I'm here for treatments."

"Treatments? Whatever for?"

"It's called Artinem's syndrome. Only muggleborns can get it."

"Well I hope it's nothing too serious," she says.

Mum bites her lower lip and frowns. Her hands are shaking as she clutches her purse and I can see she's trying to compose herself. This surprises me--Mum always seems so strong all the time. "The healers say it's terminal," She mutters.

Mrs. Weasley's eyes widen in shock and she stammers, "But...but..." Then she smothers me in a hug. "Oh, Hermione, this is the worst news I could have possibly heard. I'm so sorry. Oh, you poor thing." Then she hugs Mum. "Is there anything I can do? If there's anything I can do, send me an owl. If you need me to make a meal, or baby-sit or anything...and I'm sure Ginny will want to help, too. Please don't hesitate to owl me."

I'm overcome by her kindness and I can feel the tears rising along with the lump in my throat. Without realizing it, over the last couple years I'd fallen into the habit of thinking about the Weasleys in a negative way. I suppose it was easier to stand the pain of separation from all of them if I remembered that Molly was bossy, and Arthur had that stupid muggle obsession, and how the twins were forever at their dumb practical jokes, rather than remember the good times and the thousand kindnesses they'd done for me.

Mrs. Weasley turns to Mum now. "Karen, are you free for lunch next Thursday? We can talk about...things...if you like."

I fully expect Mum to refuse politely, but instead, she says that's a wonderful idea and she'd love to have lunch with Molly!

"I'll owl you, then," Mrs. Weasley tells her before hugging us both again. Then she and Mum give each other one of those "mother" looks. I think I know what they're thinking about. During the War, I'd obliviated my parents' memories and sent them to Australia to keep them safe from the Death Eaters. But when the War ended, I found them and brought them back and restored their memories in time for them to attend Fred Weasley's funeral. The look they're giving each other now is the same one they gave each other then. Shared grief.

I'm rather tired and wobbly when we leave the hospital and find Mum's car. I slide into the front seat and as I buckle my seatbelt and snuggle back against the soft leather interior, I ask, "You're not really going out to lunch with Mrs. Weasley, are you?" Even though I was touched by her offer of help, I have no intention of taking her up on it.

Mum turns the ignition and checks her mirrors. "Of course I am. Why wouldn't I?"

"Don't you think it's a little awkward for you to hang around with the mother of my ex-fiancé?"

"Not particularly. We do have other things to think about besides you and Ron."

"But it's weird! Why should she want to be friends with you again--now?"

Mum pulls out of the parking space and drives onto the road. She's quiet and frowning a little. Then, "Actually, Hermione, we never stopped being friends."

"What?!" I say as I sit bolt upright.

"Molly and I get together occasionally for lunch, or shopping..."

"You never told me!"

"I wasn't aware I needed your permission."

"Well...What does Dad think of you hanging around Mrs. Weasley?"

Mom gets a lopsided smile. "Well, honey, you see, it's kind of like this..."

An awful realization dawns on me. "Oh no. Don' t tell me. Dad is still friends with Mr. Weasley."

Mum shrugs. "It's no big deal, really. They go out for the odd drink. They do have the same hobby, you know, sort of. Arthur loves muggle stuff and your dad loves wizarding stuff. They have lots to talk about. But they take turns either going to a wizard pub or a muggle pub."

"Yeah, they would." I sound sarcastic.

"You know, Hermione, your father and I can be friends with whomever we choose."

"I know, but can't you find some nice muggle friends?"

Mum laughs. "We do have nice muggle friends and we see them a lot. But we also happen to like Molly and Arthur. So we see them too, sometimes."

Now we're idling at a stoplight. "Do you still wish I'd married Ron?" I ask quietly.

Mum frowns and bites her lower lip, which means she's thinking about my question. After a pause, she says, "Back when you two got engaged, your father and I were very happy for you. It seemed like you made a great couple. Maybe you would have been, if the War hadn't changed everything for your people. But then you all started fighting about how to make sure no other wizard ever attained the same power and following that Voldemort had..." She pauses to wave another driver to merge in front of her. Funny that Mum can say _Voldemort_ without cringing. But then again, she doesn't have the memories that we do. She continues. "Some wizards believed that more laws and more controls would prevent another Voldemort. Other wizards felt uneasy at giving up any freedoms. You and Ron wound up on opposite sides of the issue. And towards the end...well, it was obvious you weren't happy anymore. If you'd tried to get married then, feeling like that, you would have made each other miserable. You two changed too much to be able to make each other happy anymore. But Severus does make you happy. And that makes me happy."

"All right. I can understand you liking the Weasleys. But I don't like you keeping secrets from me, either. It doesn't seem fair."

Mum snorts. "Fair? May I remind you that a few years ago your Father and I forgave you for obliviating our memories and sending us to Australia?"

"I had to do that," I respond, a little surprised--she sounds like she's criticizing me.

"Says who?" She challenges me.

"I _had_ to protect you from Voldemort, or his Death Eaters. You would have been prime targets. So I did what was best for you."

"You did what was best for us?" She asks sarcastically. "_That's_ a little presumptuous, don't you think? Who made you the judge of what was best for us? Or do you believe that muggles aren't smart enough to make their own decisions?"

"But Mum! What if they killed you? What else should I have done?"

"Oh, let's see. Perhaps you could have explained the dangers of our staying versus leaving. Then your father and I could have discussed it and come to a decision. Maybe we would have even agreed to your Australia plan. But it was rather high-handed of you to make that decision for us without our knowledge or input."

Now I'm very upset. "I did that for you!"

"Don't try to defend yourself. You were wrong to do it. Maybe instead of muggle studies, they ought to teach the ethics of dealing with muggles over at that Hogwarts of yours."

I look out the window for a while. Everything today has me drained, from the treatments to Molly and now I find out Mum is mad at me and I had no idea...

"I'm sorry," I say. "I really just wanted to do what was best for you."

"I know, sweetie, and that's why we forgave you. We understand you _meant_ well. But stop and think. Would you want somebody to come along and erase all your memories of Inanna just because they thought it was for your own good?"

I never thought of it that way. "No, I suppose not."

"Remember this in the future--just because you _can_ cast a spell on somebody doesn't mean you have the _right _to."

I nod. I know she's right. And we drive on in silence for some time.

"Uhm," Mum hesitates. "Ron's moved on, you know."

"Really?" I'm not sure I have the energy for what's coming next.

"Yes, some witch you went to Hogwarts with...the name escapes me...something with two colours..."

A name that's two colours...? "Do you mean Lavender Brown?"

"That's it--Lavender Brown!" She snaps her fingers then looks at me sideways. "That doesn't upset you, does it? I mean, it shouldn't. With you being married and all."

"No, not upset, just...startled, that's it." Yeah right--you bet I'm startled. Ron dated Lavender a long time ago, before he dated me. Then he dumped her and good riddance, as far as I was concerned. What could they possibly have in common now?

We pick up Inanna from the sitter, who happens to be a friend of Mum's. I'm exhausted when I get home and I go to bed to sleep off the treatment. Lucky that Inanna always goes down for a nap at this time. But I feel much better when we wake up and start dinner.

Besides having no intention of asking for Molly's help, I have no intention of telling Severus that we ran into her at the hospital. But when he asks over dinner how the treatment went I find myself spilling the whole story. He doesn't say anything and his expression doesn't change, and it makes me nervous.

"Isn't that odd?" I finally say.

"What's so odd about Molly Weasley offering to help? The Weasley's don't have horns and carry pitchforks."

"I know, but...I mean...you know...because Ron and I used to be engaged..." To my embarrassment, I'm stammering and Severus is just looking at me calmly. "But Ron is seeing Lavender Brown now," I add quickly. As if that makes a difference. But Severus still just sits there and looks at me with no change of expression.

"I'm afraid I fail to see what's so strange about that, either. Did you really expect him to avoid all female companionship for the rest of his life?"

"No," I mumble, but now I feel really silly. What did I expect my husband to do? Fly into a jealous rage? Oh sure, as if that would happen. Severus Snape would never see Ron Weasley as a threat--not to anything.

Maybe part of me, a very small and immature part of me, _wants _him to react. Maybe I want the chance to reassure him that I love him and that will reassure myself that I'm important to him. But Severus is extremely self-assured. Part of it is his innate personality. And I also understand that he's been trained to keep his emotions under iron control--it's what kept him alive back when he was spying for Dumbledore. To be honest, his self-confidence is one of the things I admire about him--most of the time. And yet, at other times, I wish he'd show some reaction like any normal husband would!

Or maybe the problem is with me. Deep down inside, I'm afraid that Severus won't find me attractive anymore without my magic. He's a bit prejudiced that way. He thinks magical people are superior to muggles. And now I'm sort of a muggle again.

I don't like to think about it too much. And besides, dinner is over, so I clear the table and wash the dishes by hand because these wizard flats don't come with dishwashers. Then I put Inanna to bed and when I come back out in the living room, Severus is standing over his cauldron, stirring with one hand and holding a parchment in the other and he's studying it closely.

It's funny. As much as he wanted to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts back in Hogwarts rather than Potions, he still took his assignment seriously. I know there are some wizards who would have done a slap-dash job teaching a subject they didn't really want, but not Severus. He never does anything by halves.

I join him at the table. "What are you working on now?"

He nods at the book lying open in front of his ingredients and I pick it up. _The Implications of Magical Ancestry in the Efficacy of Magic_. The chapter he has opened to is called "Conditions Peculiar to the Muggleborn".

"Is this potion for me?" I ask.

He nods curtly, reaches for a vial and tips a few drops into the cauldron. I can't help but smile. He does care. It's just that he shows it in practical ways, rather than waste a lot of words. I inch closer to him and we watch the cauldron simmer, then he re-checks the parchment before he puts it down.

He takes my hand. "Shouldn't you be asleep?" I've been going to bed early every night lately.

"No, I actually feel a little better tonight. I haven't been tired since my nap. Maybe the potion Dr. Griffin gave me is working."

He gives me a look, then--a look I haven't seen in a long time, since before I was admitted to St. Mungo's, before I got my diagnosis--and my breath catches. He pulls me closer and now his hands are on my body, burning into my skin, and his mouth is on mine. I can feel my pulses tingling as I curve into him with a sense of triumph--he hasn't lost his attraction to me--and he maneuvers me to the sofa. I was wrong before. He does let his guard down sometimes. Sometimes I know exactly what he's thinking, and sometimes he allows himself to simply be. It's during times like this, our most intimate moments.

My last coherent thought before I'm completely swept away is--whatever might happen in the future, at least I have him now.


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: All characters belong to JK Rowling

All characters still belong to JK.

A/N: Thanks to my lovely reviewers—Looks Far Woman, debjunk, Hermioine09Weasley, duj, notwritten, zule bean, MaritimeStars

oOoOoOo

Severus Aparates us to my next appointment and this time Dr. Bella is there instead of Dr. Griffin. That makes me happy, and I tell her so. She just laughs and reminds me that she's only the junior partner to him. "Besides, he's the country's leading expert on muggleborn disorders, so you're lucky to have him."

"Yes," I say, "But you're nicer."

She shakes her head and hands me a potion.

Severus stays with me for most of the treatment, which is nice and I appreciate it, but there is something I need to discuss privately with Dr. Bella. So I send him out to stretch his legs and take a little walk out in the hallway. When he's gone, I lean towards her.

"I thought you should know, my husband has been researching my condition. He wants to make potions for me, too. Is that okay?"

"Okay? If I were sick, I'd be thrilled to have Severus Snape compounding my potions. Did you know I had him at Hogwarts?"

"No kidding!"

"Oh, he was a tough teacher. We were all a little afraid of him. But you know, when I got in to Healer training, I realized that I learned more from him--and Professor McGonagall--than all the other profs put together. But if he's making potions, it would be helpful if he knows what you're already taking." She lowers her voice. "He's coming back. I have an idea--I'll do the talking." Severus joins us and Dr. Bella opens her box of exami-wands.

"I'm checking Mrs. Snape's reactions to the treatment," she tells him as she waves the wand over my body and records the color on her enchanted parchment. "And...she's doing well so far." She passes another wand over me, and then another. She nods pleasedly. As she puts the wands away, she says to him, "You probably don't remember me, but I was a first year when you started teaching at Hogwarts. You taught me how to make potions."

"I do remember you, Dr. Bella. That's why I'm allowing you to treat my wife."

"Really? Wow," It's obvious she's flattered, and she flashes one of her big sunny smiles. "Oh, wait, I want you to have this," and she snatches my chart out of the air and flips to the back for a piece of parchment. She hands it to him. "This is the formula for the potion Mrs. Snape is taking. Of course, as her status changes, the potion will change. But I'll make sure you're told of anything new."

I turn away to hide a smile as Severus nods at Dr. Bella and pockets the formula. I have to give her credit--she really knows how to manage him. Of course, she's had lots of experience dealing with patients and families, but I find myself wishing I'd known her at Hogwarts. I'm sure we would have been friends. That's not disloyal to Harry and Ron, but Harry drove me crazy with his constant procrastinating and Ron drove me crazy with his just plain carelessness about his work.

"Just do me a favor?" She continues, looking around furtively and lowering her voice. "Please don't tell Dr. Griffin I gave you that. He doesn't really like input from other healers, so I know he wouldn't like suggestions from patients' families. Nothing personal, he's just that way."

"Agreed."

sshgSSHGsshgSSHGsshgSSHGsshg

After the treatment I'm exhausted as usual, and Severus Aparates us to some secluded place near the sitter's. Before I got sick, we rarely needed anyone to watch the baby because we usually stayed home, and if we did go somewhere, we just brought her with us. But lately we've been using a friend of Mum's, and I have to get her. I wish Severus would pick her up himself, but he doesn't like my parents' muggle friends. Actually, he's never even met any of them, but he doesn't want to. And even my being sick hasn't changed his point of view about this. So I have to go up to the door and get Inanna.

When we finally do get home I collapse into bed, but before I fall asleep, he says, "Lucius will be coming by this evening for a potion he ordered from me."

"Oh goody. Another Malfoy."

"Hermione..."

"Can't anybody in that family take care of themselves? They're supposed to be so powerful, such an illustrious family..."

"You know as well as I do, that their power comes primarily from their wealth and connections rather than their magical skill. But why do you hate them so much?"

"Because none of them ever lifted a finger when you were investigated and brought to trial over Dumbledore's murder, and it was all Narcissa's fault that you got involved in the first place. And if Draco had succeeded in doing what the Dark Lord wanted him to..."

"That's enough, Hermione. I wouldn't dream of asking for help from a Malfoy--I have more pride than that. I'm also not stupid enough to imagine that any of them would offer to help. But that doesn't mean I can't make a potion for Lucius and have him pay me for it."

"Fine. But don't expect me to make dinner while he's here."

"I wouldn't expect you to make dinner today anyway. I can conjure something. But what did you mean by that?"

"I'm not going to give Lucius Malfoy any chance to gloat over me now that I've lost my powers."

"It doesn't matter what the Malfoys think."

"You're wrong. It matters to me. I have my pride too, you know."


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: All characters belong to JK Rowling

All characters still belong to JK.

A/N: Thanks to my lovely reviewers—excessivelyperky, duj, Looks Far Woman, debjunk, notwritten and MaritimeStars

oOoOoOo

Several weeks have gone by and today is warm enough to take Inanna outside in a jacket, so we sit on the front stoop of our building and watch the world go by. I can't believe how grown-up she's getting. While I sit, she pulls up on my knees and tries to stand all by herself. But her little legs aren't quite strong enough, so she winds up falling on her bottom. But the little imp is very determined. She just tries over and over. I wish Severus were here so he could see her new trick.

Although I'm happy to see how strong and healthy my daughter is, seeing her grow up makes me a little sad. I haven't told Severus yet, but at my last treatment I found out I can't have any more children.

I had been thinking about Bill and Fleur, and I was feeling so good that day, no tiredness, no nosebleeds or anything and I felt optimistic enough to work up the courage to ask Dr. Bella.

"It's too dangerous to think about getting pregnant while you're being treated."

"But I'm feeling better and you said I'm responding well to the treatments. Maybe this is the perfect time to try."

"You're partly right--between our treatments and your husband's potions you're doing much better than we could have expected. But you're still a very sick woman. Artinem's doesn't just go away. Besides, it has its own complications."

"Okay, so let's just pretend--just for the moment--that the potions make me all better--and maybe it could happen, because I'm doing really well. Could I have children then?"

"Oh, Mrs. Snape, please don't do this to yourself. Don't torture yourself like this..."

"Dr. Bella, I have to know."

She hesitated and I started pleading, "Please, I have to know. Either way, I have to know."

At that she sighed and sent up for the set of gyne-wands. One by one she passed them over my belly. And that's when I knew, without her even telling me. Not one of the wands glowed. Not even a weak, little flicker.

She shook her head at me and I had to look out the window to blink back tears. So--even if I do get better, there won't be any more children. I didn't want to get all crying and hysterical on her, after she was good enough to check for me. After all, it was my idea for her to test me and she tried to talk me out of it. I managed to make it all the way home without crying, but once I was alone I let go. I was shocked at how sad I felt. I didn't even know how much I wanted another baby until I learned I couldn't have one.

So here I am today, watching Inanna try to stand, and I'm proud of her, but a little sad, too. I'd kind of like her to stay a baby. But before I can work myself up into another cry about it, off in the distance I see Cassandra and Ariadne, the witches from upstairs. They're far enough away that I can compose myself. It would never do for them to see me tearful. We get along, but we're not close or anything and I wouldn't feel comfortable confiding in them.

"Hi, Hermione!" Ari calls out when she gets near.

Cassandra flops onto the step next to me and grins happily. "Congratulate us, Hermione--we passed exams and now we're full-fledged Aurors."

"Actually, we will be in two weeks," Ari contradicts her. "That's when they'll have the graduation ceremonies."

"Hey, that's great, you two."

"Yeah, you should have seen my dad when I Flooed him at work. I thought he was going to start dancing right there in the middle of his office," Ari laughs.

"I have to go right up and owl my folks," adds Cassandra, although she reaches for Inanna and puts her on her lap. "We're going to have a party after the ceremony, and you're invited of course, you and Severus."

Inanna is at that age where she gets anxious around strangers. She screws up her face and reaches for me. Cassandra laughs and hands her back, not at all offended--she came from a big family and she knows all about babies.

"It's also a bon voyage party," she says. "Ari and I got a new flat, closer to the office."

"Congratulations, although I'll be sorry to see you go."

"You sure our loud parties didn't keep you awake?"

"You weren't so loud. We liked having you living upstairs. Best of luck."

They head up to their flat so Cassandra can send that owl and I'm alone again with the baby on the stoop. I'll ask Severus if he wants to go to the party, but I know he'll say _no_. The last place he would want to be is at a party full of Dark Wizard catchers. He's too famous and he'd be too conspicuous. Severus hates to be conspicuous--he still has the Dark Mark on his arm and he'll have it his whole life--that's why he always wears long sleeves, even in the summer.

But I know he won't mind if I go by myself and make an appearance. I don't know if I will, though--I'll have to think about it. I prefer going places with Severus, but sometimes I get lonely for the company of people my own age.

I'm a little envious of Cassandra and Ari--I'd like to move out of this neighborhood, too. The rents are cheap, so we really have an interesting mix of neighbors. Some are upwardly mobile, or students. They come and go. But some of the neighbors are people who couldn't quite make it in the wizarding world, because they had personal problems or their powers were very weak. Real down-and-outers. Then there are the squibbs, who grew up around wizards and don't quite fit into muggle society, either. There are even a few wizard wannabe's. They're the most pathetic of all. The wannabe's are muggles who have a wizard sibling or cousin. They know all about us and they want to be us. They wear our fashions, and eat our food, and use our language. It's really pretty sad--they should be proud of being who they are. My parents are quite comfortable in the wizarding world but would never dream of pretending to be wizards--besides, Mum secretly thinks wizard fashions are silly-looking. Oh, well. I guess everybody's different.

This probably sounds snobbish, but I don't really want Inanna growing up here because I think she'd be better off getting away from this class of people. But moving takes money, and although we don't live in poverty, Severus never knows where his next assignment is coming from, and those goblins at Gringotts like to see a steady, predictable income before they'll give you a loan.

I wonder who will move in upstairs. If I had my way, it would be another nice, wizard family with a baby for Inanna to play with and a wife for me to be friends with.


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: All characters belong to JK Rowling

All characters still belong to JK.

A/N: Thanks to my lovely reviewers—excessivelyperky, Hermione09Weasley, Look Far Woman, MaritimeStars, duj, notwritten, debjunk

oOoOoOo

My next set of tests comes back positive--I'm doing better than anybody imagined I would and my Healers are pleased. Of course, I know and Dr. Bella knows that part of the credit goes to Severus' potions. But what Dr. Griffin doesn't know won't hurt him.

I come home from the appointment, and guess who's moving into the flat upstairs? Luna Lovegood!

At first I'm thrilled she's here--finally, to see somebody from the old days. But Luna has changed. She's definitely one of the casualties of the War. I'd heard her father died shortly after the Battle of Hogwarts from complications of Death Eater torture. Then she took over management of the Quibbler. And it seems she's doing a great job--circulation has doubled under her leadership. But Luna herself? Well...

She's always been a little odd, but I don't mind that so much. And she's friendly enough, but she just seems so _lost. _It's actually a little scary--her attention just drifts in and out of the conversation. And then there's the matter of her clothes. I mean, I don't want to judge anybody on the way they dress, but I'd think she'd have more sense than to try to look like Professor Trelawny. But there goes Luna, dressed in this gauzy, diaphanous get-up, with bracelets all up and down her arms and rings on every finger and flowers--yes, flowers--in her hair. I'm not sure if she's trying to be a gypsy or a hippie. And the way she smells--it's myrrh, she tells me when my nose wrinkles. I don't mean to make a face, but I can't help myself. I mean, it's not a bad smell, it's just so _strong_.

"It keeps Devonshire pixies away," she explains.

"I think you mean Cornish pixies," I correct her, although I never heard they were affected by myrrh.

"No. Devonshire pixies are an entirely different species. And they cause mental confusion if they get too close to you."

I secretly think she's confused enough already, pixies or no pixies.

But I invite her to our flat for some tea, and when I make it by hand, she asks why immediately, so I tell her about the Artinem's.

"I bet you never heard about it..." I start.

She interrupts me. "No, Hermione. I have heard about it. Only muggleborns can get it. It's fatal in every case. And it's caused by stoogenanny scratches."

"You're kidding me," I say. _Stoogenanny scratches?_ I can't even pretend to take her seriously anymore.

"Not at all. Some people are afraid of their bite, but they don't actually have any teeth. Their claws?--ah, that's another story. They're filthy because they make their nests out of giants' refuse, and they..."

"Oh, come off it," I break in. "There aren't any giants in England and you know it."

"Of course I know it," she sounds injured. "But stoogenannies _migrate_."

The teakettle whistles and I turn away to pour the water.

"I know a bloke who knows a bloke," she offers. "Actually, it's Mundungus, but anyhow, he can get a really good potion to fix you up again right as rain."

I can only imagine the kind of potion Mundungus Fletcher would bring me. Probably ninety-eight percent ethyl alcohol and two percent gillyweed. So I'd wind up drunk and funny-looking. "Thanks, but no. I have two very competent Healers and my husband on the case."

"Healers," Luna snorts. "What do they know? But Snape, on the other hand..."

At that moment Severus arrives home and Draco is with him this time. Merlin, but those Malfoys are like mold--impossible to get rid of permanently. I smile at my husband and I'm about to introduce him to Luna, but I look over at her and she's blushing and flustered. At first I think it's Draco who's making her react, but when I look closer, I realize it's Severus! Now I'm racking my brain to try to remember if she ever had a crush on him in school, but I can't remember. Well, tough luck. She better stay away from him. Magic or no magic, I won't tolerate her playing up to him.

She leaves soon afterward, and then after what seems to be an eternity, Draco leaves, too. Finally we're alone and I breathe a sigh of relief.

But I'm not able to let it go, not completely. That night, when it's quiet and we're entwined in each other's arms, I mutter, "Luna's really changed."

"Hmm..." Severus answers as he's trailing kisses down my neck.

I'm getting goose bumps and close my eyes, but I don't stop talking. "You

must have noticed how different she is," I insist.

He pulls me closer and sinks one of his hands into my hair. "Frankly Hermione, all my ex-students look the same to me," he murmurs.

"Liar. You remembered Donna Bella."

"This really isn't the time..." he says just before his mouth finds mine.

I let him kiss me for just a moment before I pull away. "But you saw Luna, what did you think?"

With a frustrated sigh he props himself up on one elbow and looks down at me. "Do we have to talk about this now? Seriously, I don't want to talk about or think about Luna Lovegood at this moment. This is _not_ the time. In fact, there never will be a time. Understand?"

"Yes." And I slip my arms around his neck.

Good. That's the answer I wanted.


End file.
